An Unconventional Goal + Choosing to Play More
Not to get more done, but to be more present
These past couple of years have been different, haven’t they?
In 2020, we were forced to change everything. Many of us spending more time at home. More time with the people within our four walls.
And it’s slowly returned to something closer to normal, or at least closer to what we were used to before.
While 2020 taught me the value of slowing down, of being together, somehow I realized I’ve become more distracted and less present this year.
We’ve been dealing with a frustrating situation with our home, and it seems I’ve become even less present and more distracted in the midst of this struggle.
It’s a battle I fight with myself because I know what I want. I want a present life. I want a life focused on what matters most. And that looks like being with my people and doing work I love and being present in these most important things.
Yet I pick up my phone and scroll. Or add to an endless to do list in my head, hopping from one task to another, finding myself at the end of some days feeling like I wasn’t very present at all.
If I’m honest, my phone is a huge reason for this. Not only is there the endless scroll of social media, a place I feel obligated to be somewhat present for the sake of my work - but also, it’s a constant reminder of things I could be doing: call to make the doctor’s appointment, order the groceries, look up that recipe, add to that list, look up the manual for the vacuum so I can fix it.
It’s a gift to have the world at our fingertips, but how quickly it can become a curse.
My husband and I have both felt this, so we got a box for Christmas. A phone box. It tracks your time that you put your phone down. And although I always put my phone down (and lose it) for a while every day, there’s something about it being tucked away in a box intentionally, tracking your time away. It feels like you’re actively taking your time, your mind, your life back.
Maybe it sounds dramatic, but I do feel that slowly but surely, my phone is encroaching more and more on my life.
I’ve become less able to slow down, to play, to shut off my mind because of it.
It’s easy to convince myself that this is normal, this is just how it is, this is how it is for so many of us, and just move forward in the same way.
It’s harder to decide this isn’t what I want, and fight against the habit.
My husband and I have decided it is beyond worth it - so we’re fighting the habit of constantly picking up our phones. Not just social media. That isn’t either of our biggest struggles. But also the constant to do list, the constant access to email, to communicating, to EVERYTHING.
On Christmas, after all of the videos and photos I could dream to take, I put my phone in the box.
Gemma asked me to play, as she typically does when she sees me sitting for a moment. She got plenty of new Barbie’s for Christmas.
I usually find a reason not to play, at least not for more than a few minutes. Cleaning, working, ordering groceries, chasing after the baby. I count down the minutes.
But on Christmas, and again the next day, my phone went away, and I played.
And I (gasp) had fun.
I’ve always resonated with the narrative of not enjoying playing pretend with our kids. I’ll admit it’s not first on my list of fun things to do. I’d rather craft together or play a game. But she loves to have me as her playmate.
I love watching and listening to her play. I love seeing her learn and grow as she does. It’s just not something I’m eager to participate in, so there’s often an excuse, something on my list that might get in the way of it.
Until I realized that there will be time for the other things.
The dishes will wait. And they’ll always be there for me.
The floor will dirty again another day.
The laundry- well, that pile won’t be going anywhere.
And scrolling my phone is never very fulfilling.
In 20 minutes, I can pick back up on whichever of these things need my attention. But right now, she does.
She won’t be this small for long. These days won’t wait. They’ll disappear before my eyes faster than I’d like them to.
What I’m learning is that playing isn’t fun when I’m believing there’s something more urgent I should be doing the whole time.
But when I decide it is the most important way to spend those 20 minutes? When I put away my phone, stop watching the clock, relish in her laughs? I find myself laughing, too. being a kid again. Filling up her cup, and mine too.
Most of my goals for next year are less conventional. I’m not concerned with more well oiled routines. Im sure I’ll work on them a bit. Find a way to keep the bathroom wiped down more often.
But I’m more concerned with being more present. Playing more. Saying yes. Because one day she’ll be asking to go to her friend’s house instead of asking me to play Barbies.
So I’ll be her playmate more often while I still have the chance. Because laundry is forever - but these sweet days only last a little while.
A few quick things to share with you this week:
-There was no episode last week because I took some time off for the holiday, but there will be one this Thursday.
-Above I shared my most important goal I’m starting the year off with, but I’ll share some more in this week’s Q&A episode on the podcast! I love the questions you’ve all sent in and I can’t wait to answer them!
-Simple Morning Lists is a simple routine that helps me be more present and focused on what matters in my days. You can grab a copy and join me in intentional list making in 2023!
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I’m always grateful for you and I hope you had the best holiday with your family! Have a happy new year, and I’ll talk to you before that this Thursday on Minimal-ish!
With love,
Desirae
Love this idea! Where did you get the box from?