You are capable of this. Do you believe that?
Let's stop being our own worst enemies. This is important.
I'll never have a peaceful home.
The stuff is too much, I’m so overwhelmed.
I should probably just quit because I’m wasting my time.
I can’t do this.
Insert whatever it is you’re trying to achieve into the above thought patterns. Or whatever circumstances you’re currently working through.
Have you felt this?
Have you let these thought patterns take up residence in your brain?
I ask because it’s me. I do this. All. The. Time. And I know I can’t be the only one.
If there’s one thing that can ruin my entire day and make me give up on whatever endeavor I currently feel lead to pursue, it’s me.
As we begin this year, one thing I know I want to be different than last year is the way I talk to myself.
When I realized this was not only needed, but honestly essential to myself and the people around me, do you know what my first thought was?
It’s not going to happen. This is how it’s always been. You won’t be able to overcome this.
Looking back on it, I have to laugh. Of course my negative self talk would be negative about changing my self talk.
Whether you have an inner dialogue and talk to yourself all day as I do, the truth is that what we think is often what we become.
Our thoughts play a huge role in how our days play out. We believe we can, or we believe we can’t. And often we move forward in whatever direction we’re believing.
Whether that belief is something “small,” like I can’t figure out a way to keep this house somewhat tidy, or I can’t tackle the massive amount of toys in this house.
Or a bigger mountain we’re trying to climb.
Our thoughts will play a role. Most likely a bigger role than we’re thinking.
(Before I move forward, let me just make sure to acknowledge the fact that mental health plays a role in our ability to change these thought patterns, and we cannot fully rely on ourselves to do that sometimes. Seek help if you need it. I’m right there with you.)
We’re moving. I won’t go into too much detail, but it has been a huge struggle as we try to sell our home. We put it on the market just in the perfect time for the market to slow down, and right around the holidays for an even slower process.
I’ve been showing a house with a baby, a five year old, and a dog, during my husband’s busiest work season, through the holidays, through more stuff coming in the house.
This whole process has just been unexpected, and my thoughts have really done a number on me.
Mostly, this little phrase that I keep repeating to myself at the end of the night when I know I’ll have to get the house perfect for another showing the next day: “I can’t do this.”
Paired with “This is impossible,” and other similar thoughts.
And I’ve let those simple but negative phrases ruminate in my brain all day and make their cozy little home in there.
Until I couldn’t physically do another day like that.
See, it wasn’t yet another showing that brought me to my end. Surely, these circumstances aren’t fun, this is all a lot of work, and the unknown can feel defeating.
But what was truly defeating me…was me. My thoughts. My beliefs. That I couldn’t do it again. That it was all impossible.
There is no bow tied on this story. Because I am still very much in it. After I type these words, I’ll be picking up after my children obsessively until 2:30pm when we go camp out at my parents’ house for the evening once our showings start.
While we haven’t reached the finish line, I feel like I now have the capacity to endure it because I’m working on changing the story I’m telling myself.
Whether you’re setting out to do something important to you or you’ve been handed tough circumstances, what is the story you’re telling yourself about your capacity to do this?
I hope it doesn’t sound cliche, because while you may have heard the same thing in a more cheesy, “believe in yourself” type of message, the truth is that our thoughts are so important.
They take root and determine our actions.
What we think becomes what we believe about ourselves or a situation, and it becomes what do.
I’ve been working on my thoughts for a couple weeks now, and so much has changed. I feel more capable to overcome this hard season. I know we will come out of this, even if it doesn’t look exactly how I’d like it to.
The process has not looked perfect. My thoughts are still a work in progress. I’m sure they always will be. Just this morning, I had a mini-meltdown about it all. I came back to that thought cycle that feels so familiar: I’m done. I can’t do this.
I have moments where those thoughts creep back in. The difference is I don’t stay there. I don’t stay in the place of feeling sorry for myself.
It sucks to be dealt a hard season. But it sucks even more to try to navigate it with a negative mindset and thought patterns that bring us even further down.
It’s not easy to change these negative thought patterns if it’s what you’re used to. It’s much easier to stay there. Here’s what has helped me move to more productive thought patterns:
Morning mindset work. It looks like setting my day up intentionally with journaling (I use Simple Morning Lists) along with prayer and a devotional (I love She Reads Truth).
Consuming positive content that helps me keep moving towards keeping my thoughts productive. A couple of sermons I listened to recently have really helped. Of course, these are faith-based; just a disclaimer. They are by Pastor Louie Giglio. 1. Winning the Battle of the Mind 2. Seven Supernatural Thoughts
Staying observant of my thoughts and catching myself in negative patterns. Replacing these with positive phrases. Many of the phrases I use come from the second sermon I linked above, but you can make a list of your own and use what you need in the moment.
Taking care of what is immediately in front of me. My kids. Caring for my home. My work. Whatever it is that needs my attention, I am doing my best to be present and faithful in it. It keeps my thoughts focused on what matters and gives me less time and space to give way to the negativity that likes to creep in when I’m less present.
If you find yourself believing you aren’t capable of whatever it is in front of you - whether something you want to do or something you have to do - it is absolutely worth the time and energy and resources that it takes to reframe these thought patterns.
Because what we think becomes what we do.
You, friend, are so capable. Especially when you believe you are.
Speaking of changing our thoughts - last week on the podcast I talked about how making one small change this new year might be more productive (and more impactful) than trying to overhaul a huge part of our lives.
Listen here or search Minimal-ish anywhere you listen to podcasts.
The Minimal-ish Family - Episode 2
I just put out episode 2 of The Minimal-ish Family. The Minimal-ish Family is a bonus podcast - an extension of minimal-ish, that is a fun and behind the scenes. There are two episodes each month for now, and I’m excited about it!
This week I’m sharing more about moving, my word for the year, and 3 small changes that have been making a difference as I start the year.